- "Wait a minute. The penny's beginning to drop!"
- ―Captain Square
Captain Square, CBE, DSO, was a colonel in the British army and, later, the captain of the Eastgate Home Guard.
Personality[]
Square was commander of the Home Guard platoon in Eastgate (quite near Walmington-on-Sea and part of the same Home Guard company).
He had been a Colonel in the regular army, had fought in the desert in the past (possibly alongside Lawrence of Arabia) and would regale people with boring stories about his military service. He was also a lay magistrate.
Square made his first two appearances in Series 1 as 'Colonel Square', as at that point he was not a member of the Home Guard. He reappeared in Series 2 as 'Corporal Colonel Square' (a Home Guard designation given to former regular army officers for whom there was no vacancy at their previous rank, which enabled their former rank to be recognised) of the Eastgate platoon, but in subsequent series he had taken the rank of Captain.
In Season 4 he has a more prominent role as an antagonist against Mainwaring and the platoon, often enlisting Hodges or the Verger to do his bidding . 'Don't Forget the Diver' sees Mainwaring's platoon go up against Square in a mock exercise to capture a watermill (Square employs the Verger as his agent to spy on the Walmington-on-Sea platoon). In 'A. Wilson, Manager?' he attempts to poach Sergeant Wilson from the platoon by offering him a place as Second Lieutenant in his own ranks (Wilson ultimately returns to Mainwaring). Then in 'Fallen Idol' he sows dissent amongst Mainwaring's men by taking their officer away from a drinks night they had planned, challenging him to a drinking game in the officers' mess and getting him utterly drunk in the process (Mainwaring later redeems himself by saving Jones' life). Finally in 'Battle of the Giants' he humiliates Mainwaring by issuing an order that all medals must be worn on a special church parade, knowing Mainwaring will be shown up because he hasn't got any (Square meanwhile having a whole array of medals from past campaigns), and subsequently mocking him and his men in the bar. Mainwaring finally snaps and challenges Square to a contest to prove whose platoon is better - and ends up trouncing Square and the Eastgate platoon at the final hurdle (thanks in part to a clever trick by Walker).
Square is not seen again until Season 5 episode 'A Brush With the Law', where he conspires with Hodges to put Mainwaring wrongfully on trial for showing a light at the church hall during a blackout - Square himself is the magistrate, and frequently abuses his position and disrespects Mainwaring during the trial. Fortunately, Walker steps in and threatens to expose Square's own illegal activities (namely buying black market whiskey) if he does not dismiss the case.
Later in 'Round and Round Went the Great Big Wheel' Square's platoon is tasked with sentry duty during the testing of a new secret weapon (though he makes no appearance on screen).
In Season 7 episode 'Gorilla Warfare' he once again employs Hodges and the Verger to sabotage Mainwaring and his men on a field exercise (which he himself previously failed). They ultimately fail and Mainwaring's platoon go on to complete the exercise successfully.
Finally in the Season 9 opening episode 'Wake Up Walmington' Square and his soldiers are called out to track down some Nazi saboteurs, unaware that the saboteurs are in fact Mainwaring and his men on an officially approved exercise to stir people out of complacency. This results in another standoff between Mainwaring and Square.
The significance of the role[]
His role was to act as a rival to Captain Mainwaring, along with ARP Warden William Hodges and Maurice Yeatman (the verger). Mainwaring and Square were two men with some similarities but also different personal histories. Square was even more pompous than Mainwaring, and rather condescending towards his less experienced rival. Mainwaring sometimes called Square a "pompous idiot". Square did have a sense of humour, although it may not have been to everyone's taste—e.g. he would deliberately mispronounce Mainwaring's name phonetically ("Main-waring"), and on one occasion he deliberately got Mainwaring drunk in a drinking game ("being made a cardinal"). Square could be over-confident and pompous at times, and Mainwaring and the Walmington platoon did sometimes get the better of Square and the Eastgate platoon. He also often makes statements derogatory to Mainwaring's character, such as "typical of Mainwaring not being here when he's wanted, lazy slacker."
Medals[]
As seen in Don't Forget the Diver, Fallen Idol and A Brush with the Law.
- 1. Order of the British Empire CBE
- 2. Distinguished Service Order
- 3. Queen's South African War Medal (1899–1902)
- 4. King's South African War Medal (1901–1902)
- 5. 1914 Star (or 1914–15 Star)
- 6. British War Medal
- 7. Allied Victory Medal
- 8. India General Service Medal (1909)
- 9. General Service Medal
- 10.King George V Silver Jubilee Medal
- 11.King George VI Coronation Medal
- 12.King Edward VII Coronation Medal
In Battle of the Giants he is seen with the additional following medals, while missing numerous others such as the DSO and Coronation medals.
- 1. Eygpt medal
- 2. Queen's Sudan Medal
- 3. Africa General Service Medal
Assuming he stayed with his platoon until it was disbanded, his 3 years of Home Guard service would make him eligible for the Defence Medal, worn between the Allied Victory Medal and the India General Service Medal (1909).
Unknown medals[]
- In Don't Forget the Diver he is wearing a ribbon which has white on each side and brown in the middle and a gold centre.
- It is not sure what ribbons he wore in Command Decision , A Stripe for Frazer and Under Fire (the latter two of which are currently missing from the BBC's archives), as those episodes are black and white.
Notes[]
- In Don't Forget the Diver and Fallen Idol he is wearing an OBE ribbon in front of his DSO which makes him a CBE
- In Command Decision Wilson says "After all he is a DSO."
- His habitual repetition of lines/phrases in his speech was a characteristic Lumsden himself brought to the role, who naturally spoke in this manner.