|The Deadly Attachment|
|Series 6, Episode 1|
|Air Date||31st October 1973|
|Written by||Jimmy Perry and David Croft|
|Original Audience Figures||Unknown|
|Previous episode||Time On My Hands|
|Next episode||My British Buddy|
|List of episodes|
The Deadly Attachment is the first episode of the sixth series of Dad's Army which was originally transmitted on Wednesday 31st October 1973.
It has become one of the most famous episodes of the series due to the rare encounter between the platoon and the Germans, and the much-remembered "Don't tell him, Pike!" exchange which has been placed in the top three greatest comedy moments of British television.
Mainwaring's men have been detailed to guard a captured German U-boat crew until a military escort arrives. When the escort is delayed, the platoon must house them in the church hall overnight...
Captain Mainwaring is giving a lecture on parachutists and the need to determine the respective identities of British and German parachutists. This eventually ends up becoming a discussion on the possibility of refugee nuns parachuting into Britain. Mainwaring's lecture is interrupted by a telephone call from GHQ; the survivors of a sunken German U-Boat have been picked up by a fishing boat and taken to Walmington-on-Sea. The Home Guard unit is to be responsible for providing security until the proper military escort can arrive. Mainwaring, excited at finally getting to grips with the enemy, sets off with most of the platoon to collect the prisoners, but not before ordering Sergeant Wilson and Private Pike to prime the platoon's allocation of hand grenades.
Pike is naturally excited at throwing around a lot of (unprimed) hand grenades and pretending to be a gangster; Wilson is a lot more cautious, and on discovering a collection of dummy detonators along with the real charges, opts to prime the grenades with dummies, reasoning that in the event of an invasion a switch could be made quickly, as allowing certain members of the platoon to be in charge of live grenades is very dangerous.
The prisoners, including their smug and surly captain, are held in the church hall until the escort arrives. However, Mainwaring receives a phone call from the Colonel, saying the escort has been delayed and won't arrive until tomorrow — meaning the Home Guard will be responsible for the prisoners overnight, including the feeding of them. Corporal Jones's suggestion of cutting the prisoners' trouser buttons off is dismissed by the U-Boat Captain as being a violation of the Geneva Convention, thus earning Mainwaring's ire; and Mainwaring proceeds to refer to Adolf Hitler as a tinpot dictator resembling Charlie Chaplin, thus annoying the U-Boat Captain. Mainwaring's name gets put on the U-Boat Captain's ominous "list": a collection of names of those who have upset him, and who will be brought to account once the Germans win the war, to which Mainwaring says "What are you talking about, you're not going to win this war." This prompts a childish, pantomime-style exchange of "Oh no, you're not!" / "Oh yes, we are!" between Mainwaring and the U-Boat Captain as to which side is actually going to win. Pike foolishly opts to sing a song in which Hitler is called a "twerp" at that very moment, and finds his name also put on the U-Boat Captain's list once Mainwaring inadvertently gives it to him ("Don't tell him, Pike!").
After the prisoners receive a fish and chip supper ordered by Private Walker (including soggy chips, despite the U-Boat Captain's demands), the platoon settle down to guard the prisoners overnight. Matters are not helped by the Verger and Warden Hodges, entering the hall after a night on the drink to find the prisoners there waiting for them. Taking advantage of the distraction, the U-Boat Captain feigns illness and manages to swipe Mainwaring's pistol, seizing Hodges as a hostage.
A tense stand-off between the Germans (housed in the Vicar's office with their hostage) and the British (in the main hall with superior firepower) sees the British try to recapture the situation. A conversation about different films that ultimately goes nowhere, however, sees Mainwaring struck by inspiration; they will agree to the terms of the Germans, confident that someone in the town will see the Germans escape. Unfortunately, Mainwaring's plan is not as well thought out as the U-Boat Captain's, who has anticipated this — the platoon will be forced to march the prisoners through town to the harbour as to offset suspicion, and will then accompany the prisoners back to Germany in order to ensure that the Royal Navy do not intervene. Once they are back in Germany, the U-Boat Captain's list will be closely examined. The platoon are forced to hand over their guns and are now prisoners, co-operation will be further enforced by the presence of a grenade in Corporal Jones's waistband, which will have the safety pin pulled off by the U-Boat Captain at the slightest hint of trouble. Wilson gladly goes to get the grenade.
The march through town is a tense matter, the platoon holding their unloaded guns, (for all except Wilson and Pike, who are the only ones aware that the grenade is a dud). The U-Boat Captain's plan is inadvertently rumbled by Mainwaring's senior officer, the Colonel, who chances upon the marching platoon en route to meeting the escort and, seeing the string in Jones's waistband, immediately pulls it. The resulting chaos sees the Germans sprawled on the ground; Jones frantically screaming "Don't panic!", whilst dancing with a grenade in his trousers; and Wilson calmly asking the Colonel for a pistol. Wilson promptly uses the pistol to recapture the U-Boat Captain and his men, forcing him and his men up against the wall. Once all has calmed down, and Mainwaring has realised that in disobeying his orders, Wilson has saved Jones's life, Jones requests if Private Frazer can be asked to remove his hand from Jones's trousers.
- Initially the grenade was set to be inserted into Mainwaring's trousers, but Arthur Lowe refused and so Jones (always a glutton for punishment) was chosen instead.
- A recreation of this episode formed the fourth instalment of the 2007 Dad's Army Stage Show.
- In 1976, this episode's script was selected as the basis of an unsuccessful pilot episode for an American Broadcasting Company adaptation of Dad's Army called The Rear Guard. Only the pilot episode of this proposed series was recorded, which was based very closely on The Deadly Attachment.
- Some changes were made when this episode was adapted for radio. In particular, it was The Vicar, not Hodges, who became the hostage.
- The Deadly Attachment is considered by many to be the most famous of all the Dad's Army episodes, due to the rare encounter between the platoon and the Germans, and the much remembered "Don't tell him Pike!" exchange, and as such the episode has often been selected for initial and/or "very best of" VHS and DVD releases of the series, including being on the first "Very Best" VHS release in 1993 and the DVD The Very Best of Dad's Army. The episode was also included in the script book Dad's Army released in 1975.
- The famous line "Don't tell him, Pike!" inspired the artist Simon Drew to make a cartoon of three fish — one of which is a pike — talking to each other. One fish says to the pike "What sort of fish are you?" and the other fish says "Don't tell him, Pike!" This cartoon is also available to buy in various merchandising items, including greetings cards, mugs, table towels, aprons and much more.